Author: Deevaknowsbest

BAMN: Protect Ya’ Peace

| Deevaknowsbest

How far are you willing to go to find, protect and maintain your peace? That’s something I’ve been asking myself for a few weeks now and honestly, I’ve yet to come up with a solid answer. Whether it’s at work, my love life, or with family, I like to keep a consistent level of peace or else all hell will break loose.

For me, the conflicting part of the question starts with ‘how far’. Would I be willing to go as far as to cut off long time friends, quit my job or nicely dismiss someone I was dating? I then began to worry about the effects that would have on everyone and then it hit me, fuck that! By any means necessary, protect ya’ peace!

When it comes to your own well being, I’m here to tell you, it’s worth protecting. No family tie nor long friendship (or any ‘ship for that matter), should be tolerated if it interrupts your peace. At one point, I’d gotten so use to complaining about the toxic situations but never making any change until I realized, if you’re not going to make the moves to become better and less toxic, why the hell are you complaining?

It’s easy to feel when your energy is compromised. For me, my anxiety goes from 1 to 10 and I shut down. This recently happened to me and I immediately told myself, “Yep Dee, you’ve gotta go a little bit further to protect ya peace!”

So to answer the original question, I’m willing to go far to protect my peace. I can’t continue to allow toxic energy and behavior into my circle and you shouldn’t either. The decision could be a hard one to make and actually taking a step towards it could feel harder but, the feeling and vibes that follow are unmatched. Just remember that and let that shit go!

Black folks ‘don’t do’ therapy!

| Deevaknowsbest

That has been a phrase I’ve heard way more than I would’ve preferred to. Let me tell you now….that’s absolute bullshit and you my dear may need to find a therapist ASAP to help you through your way of thinking.

Let me also be the one to tell you, whether you know or believe it, everyone could use a therapy session or two. It won’t hurt you, kill you, or lessen your identity. I believe that’s why black people in particular frown upon the idea of therapy. The idea is to ‘pray it away’ or ‘sleep it off’ but dammit sometimes that shit don’t help!

I have no guilt about seeking mental help so when I mention my therapist in regular conversation with anyone, their eyes get bigger and they immediately feel sorry for me. People assume that when you mention therapy, you’re pretty much insane and damn near tipping the scale of life.

Hear me when I say, the strongest people go to therapy. Yep, that’s what I said. Life is hard. Life is hard as fuck, actually. So to realize that you need someone to help you maneuver through the crazy moments signify strength. Just think of the number of people that would consider therapy if they had support from their inner circle or if they didn’t think the world would look at them as coo-coo for CoCo Puffs!

So for people like myself who took that leap knowing that regardless of what people close or far thought, I wanted to do what was best for me, that’s a HUGE step. That’s some strength y’all.

So all in all, let’s start showing a little bit more care to those that are securing their mental health nowadays. Don’t talk about them to others or judge them with your looks. Ask questions and more importantly, ask how you can help them during their journey.

We’re not weak. We’re just going through some shit. Get informed about mental health and I dare you to try it out for yourself. You may be surprised by what you can uncover in 60 minutes.

clarity: the blessing in being blocked

| Deevaknowsbest

So, I recently started seeing a therapist a few months ago.
Life had officially began kicking my ass mentally and ya girl was in need of professional help. Now don’t get me wrong. The weekly convos with my girls were great stress relievers but I was in need of someone that would let me sit on their couch, eat their peppermints and listen to ME ramble until I could make sense of my own life.

So in one of our sessions, I randomly mentioned how in the past three years, I’ve lost three individuals that were close to me — two lovers and a best friend. After discussing what happened in each situation (which is a three part blog series in itself), I realized that what all three had in common was that they left me. In their own way and for their own personal reasons, they all equally decided to remove me from their lives. I was blocked.

Subconsciously, I knew that. I could replay the last moments of each incident without missing a beat but it took me talking it out with a professional to get that there was a blessing tied to the end of each heartbreak.

At this point, I know what you’re thinking. How can people leaving you be your blessing? The answer is as simple as this. Sometimes God blocks you from people, things, and situations that mean you no good when He knows you’ve been too blinded to make the decision on your own.

So full disclaimer about me…I’m a giver with a big heart and I always try to see the good in people first. It’s a gift and a curse because although you always want to see the light others bring, turning your back to their shadows don’t necessarily make them go away.

I let situations pass, looked right over the fine print, and smiled when I had every right to cry. I believe God knew if I had it my way, I’d want to stick around in those ass backwards relations and make it work because time and history was on the line. Whew chile, thank God for clarity, growth, and decent health insurance.

All in all, everyone you encounter is not always gonna be in your corner. Some people are literally only here for a season to teach you something about yourself. So my advice is to not take three trips around the merry-go-round like I did, before you realize that shit ain’t worth more than one time–if that! But in any case you do get stuck and God has to step in and make a block happen, before you let your heart get sad or think for one second you can’t make it through, see the blessing because I promise its there.